REACTION or RESPONSE? FOR WOMEN ONLY

I have found that reacting to a spouse's ill-treatment does not work. If a husband is a narcissist, a wife's reactive behavior to something he caused is suddenly flipped. Her reaction becomes his cause. My advice--don't do that. I used to be very reactive. For example, at my wits end many moons ago, I picked up the chain saw in our garage, pulled the cord to start it up, and held it over his beloved Porche while he watched on in horror. I don't advise doing that either. So, what do I suggest when in an emotionally abusive marriage? To tell you the truth, I have no frigging idea. I understand men can be a mirror. Was I cheating? Was I lying? Was I ignoring the children? No, I was never doing any of those things. However, only someone who is damaged is capable of hurting another for so many years. Is the mirror showing me I am damaged? Healing takes place in my mind first. My willingness to understand my own truth and RESPOND accordingly will change the image in the mirror, regardless of whether my husband ever changes or not.